Gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation

Growing up, some of my family members had some pretty racist views. One would expect for these members to be homophobic as well, but this was not the case. Granted, they had some strange ideas about sexuality (like my parents thinking my brother would turn gay if he had only sisters, so they continued having children until they had a 2nd son), but being homosexual was accepted by my family (if not openly discussed).

This is because my uncle (my father's brother) was gay. He was a wonderful man--caring, giving, generous, and loving. Unfortunately, he passed away several years ago. He was loved by everyone. And he had a very difficult life. As a young man, he tried to become a priest, but was turned away because he was said not to have a true "calling". Over the years he lost friends and several jobs once it was learned that he was gay. Although he lived with the same partner for close to 30 years, they were unable to marry. Upon his death, battles broke out between his partner and my father's other brother with regards to the funeral, the cemetery plot, the flowers planted there, etc. --battles that still rage to this day.

Last year, my oldest son (who had come out to me, his father and siblings quite some time ago) wanted to bring his boyfriend to my mother's retirement party. Many members of the family were not aware of his sexuality, or may have guessed but were not sure. They attended together, and the family accepted him and his boyfriend just as easily as they would have had he brought a girl home for the family to meet. In fact, they liked my son's boyfriend better than they had liked my daughter's former boyfriend!

To me, the topic of gender, gender identity, and sexual orientation is one that is close to my heart. Due to my parents' misunerstandings when I was young, I was not allowed to play sports. I was encouraged to play with the girls in the neighborhood even though the boys were more fun. I was forbidden to join the fire company with my father. So when my daughter said she would rather play baseball than take dance lessons, I signed her up for baseball. When she said she wanted to play on the "boys" team because that's where all her friends were, I signed her up (which took some doing, but I made sure she was not discriminated against). As she got older, she decided to switch to softball and the girls' team, and I supported her decision. When she expressed an interest in joining the volunteer fire department, I supported her there as well. Thank goodness I did--today, at 28, she has made it her career! She is the EMS Captain in the volunteer fire department, and a professional paramedic!

The same held true for my sons. When they expressed an interest in gymnastics, I signed them up for lessons. When they became involved in the drama club, I went to every performance. When my youngest son declared he wanted to major in theater in college, I supported his decision (although I was relieved that his goal was to work in directing or stage management--or possibly become a drama teacher as opposed to be a movie star, which seems unrealistic. My concern was for the practical, not the major itself).

I believe it is important to know this about me to understand how passionately I feel about this topic. One of the things my students learn very quickly is that there are no "boy" or "girl" toys in my classroom. All students are welcome to and encouraged to play in all areas. Since many children do not have opportunities to play with certain toys at home, I encourage them to do so when at school. I have pictures posted of children playing with toys in non-traditional gender assignments, such as boys rocking a doll to sleep and girls playing with trucks. I have found that housekeeping is a favorite among the boys because I let them try on and play with whatever they want--something many cannot do at home. Anyone using phrases like "girls can't" or "boys shouldn't" are quickly reminded that "Everyone can and everyone should". If a child uses a homophobic slur (or any slur, for that matter), we discuss what the child thinks it means, and then why it is hurtful to use such words. The child is encouraged to find different words to express their feelings that are more appropriate. I have had surprisingly few concerns or complaints from parents over the years. I have only had one parent who refused to accept this policy and withdrew his son from the program, only to enroll his daughter in my class a few years later.

Since there are very few educational materials geared towards the acceptance of homosexuality or same-sex couples, it is important that the teachers find ways to include such materials. This means extra research when placing orders for storybooks and displays, possibly ordering extra sets of dolls for the playhouse so that there can be two mothers or two fathers, and creating materials to fill the gaps.