There are two people at my place of employment who thrive on creating drama. They constantly try and dump their responsibilities off on everyone else, they whine to the director on a daily basis, and make snide remarks trying to belittle everyone every chance they get. Their motto seems to be "Make everyone else look bad so no one looks too closely at us".
I try to avoid them as much as possible, as they can't cause trouble if they aren't around, but that is very difficult. I have tried to be respectful when I respond--like today when one made a snippy comment about me leaving the cover off the laminating machine. I simply responded that I could not put the cover on while it was hot, and that while it was cooling down I was called to another building to attend an IEP meeting-- that I had just returned and was on my way to cover it, and then thanked her for doing it for me and walked away. Since I try not to take the bait and fight with her, she usually doesn't know what to say and that's the end--until the next time she tries to push my buttons.
I also attempt to use nonviolent communication when dealing with these women by reminding myself to be compassionate. One is about to become a mother for the first time and is really not all that comfortable around babies, so I remind myself that she is scared and try and cut her some slack. The other is fairly new to our center, having just completed her associate's degree last year and will be alone in the classroom for two months while the other is on maternity leave. I remind myself that she is inexperienced and nervous and try to make allowances for that.
My co-teacher and I have developed a mantra from when they try to suck us into their chaos--"Not my circus, not my monkeys".
Please note that I said I try--I do not always succeed. I am human and I react sometimes without thinking--they do manage to get to me from time to time.
I think it is great that you have tried to see life from their point of view. THis can be a great help when dealing with difficult people. So often people like this are like small children, just looking for a reaction. When they don't get one, they have to move on:) They seem to feed off of one another so perhaps separating them and placing them each with a more positive lead teacher would change the way they see things. Good luck! Be a role model of peace and love!
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that you have tried to see life from their point of view. THis can be a great help when dealing with difficult people. So often people like this are like small children, just looking for a reaction. When they don't get one, they have to move on:) They seem to feed off of one another so perhaps separating them and placing them each with a more positive lead teacher would change the way they see things. Good luck! Be a role model of peace and love!
ReplyDeleteSplitting them up isn't an option, as neither would be allowed to work in the infant/toddler room (due to the fact that they currently have or will have their own child placed in that room)--neither is qualified to work with the school agers, and the only other option would be to take away my co-teacher and put one of them with me! (At which point, I would begin seriously looking for another job!) I just keep counting the days until the one goes on leave to have her baby--then the other will have no one to talk to!
ReplyDeleteHi Kathleen, I can begin by saying WOW! The two employees sounds very interesting with their behaviors, and their quotes. I have work with people years ago that sounds like the same two people! Nevertheless you have did everything possible to stay professional, and you've tried everything possible to show kindness. Some people will not change until they want to do better! You continue to continue to model your professional role as you do!
ReplyDeleteKathleen,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing and also being honest about the whole deal. It is one thing to tolerate hurt from family and friends and loved ones but to have to deal with it on a daily basis from someone that you want to simply stay away from can be taxing. I heard that letting go and being the bigger and better person takes lot of patience and practice and does not happen overnight. For every one step forward there could be two steps backward until you get the hang of it. I am sure you feel very peaceful at times when you walk away feeling that you have dealt with it the right way. All the best and Congratulations too. I appreciate the empathy you showed to their personal situation to help you feel calm in those situations.
Thanks,
Divya