Communication Differences

This week I am to consider the ways in which I communicate with different groups and if I change the way I communicate from one group to the next. I have to say I do, but not for the reasons one might immediately assume. With my family, at least my immediate family (siblings, parents, offspring, spouse) it's pretty much anything goes. No one has any filters--everyone says what's on their mind, no holds barred--no subject is off limits! Politics, religion, love lives, finances--we all pretty much throw in our two cents. My son even felt comfortable enough bringing his boyfriend home to a family party last summer to meet everyone, even though he hadn't officially "come out" to everyone yet. He figured that was as good a way as any!

The same holds true for my closest friends. We pretty much dive into each other's lives--with little concern for "off-limits" or worrying about how we are coming across.

For people outside this total-comfort zone, I tend to be a bit more restrained. I avoid topics which might be offensive to others, I keep my language and body language more formal. I try to avoid doing or saying anything which might be misunderstood or inadvertently offensive--at least until I get to know them better and feel more comfortable around them. Then I can let my guard down a bit.

At work I communicate with the parents and family members in a professional tone. I try to avoid making assumptions about family customs and cultures. I try to show respect for everyone and attempt to learn as much as possible about their lives (as it pertains to the well-being of the child). As I am sure every teacher experiences, there are some families that you will "click" with and become more comfortable and less formal, and others that will remain a formal relationship throughout the school year. With the students, I am informal from the start--I am polite and respectful, but also silly and relaxed, as they are kids and I want them to be comfortable around me. Just today, I overheard two of the school-aged students having a disagreement. HW (age 12) was insisting to SG (age 7) that when two people get married, the lady changes her name and the kids have the same name as the father. And if the mother get remarried she changes her name to the new husbands and so do the kids--always! SG was having a hard time making HW understand that in her culture it isn't done that way. So I stepped in and explained that in SG's culture, the wife does not take the husband's last name when they get married, and that the children take the father's first name as their last name. I then asked SG if I had explained it correctly, and she smiled and said I did. Whenever I am dealing with a situation that I have little or no personal experience with, I like to double check and make sure I understand correctly.

As for communicating with people from different cultures differently, I really don't--at least I try not to. I try to be polite and respectful to everyone I communicate with. If I know about something that may be offensive (topic, gesture, word, etc.) I do my best to avoid it. Now, I am not perfect by any means and I make mistakes and offend people--it happens. Sometimes I do or say the wrong thing. I try to learn when that happens so as to avoid it happening again.