My Supports

            For this blog, my topic is my support system, who they are, how they support me, and what would be the impact if they were gone.

            My family and friends are my support system…..my safety net…and my security blanket. They are the ones I want to share good news with, and they are the ones who hold me up when I can no longer hold myself up. They are the ones who make my life worth living, the ones I cannot imagine living without.

            My husband, who is far from perfect, but who I know loves me, even though I am far from perfect too. We may bicker, fight, and drive each other crazy at times, but I know that he is always there for me.

            My kids, who are all young adults making their way in the world. They stand by each other above all others. I look at them and know that no matter what, I got something right.

            My family: my parents, my siblings, and the families they have created. We may not always agree, but we always back each other up. I would do anything for them, and I know they would do anything for me.

            My friends, who are always a phone call away and who would drop everything if I needed them to (and usually just KNOW without me saying a word).

            Part of this assignment is to describe what our life would be like if our supports were suddenly gone. Right now, I cannot possibly do that—it fills me with paralyzing fear. I just came from the funeral home, where my husband is standing with the honor guard for a fellow volunteer firefighter who died last weekend in an ATV accident. This man and my husband have been friends since they were children, and I have known him for decades. As I walked through the receiving line, I saw the absolute devastation on the faces of his sister, his niece and nephew, and the woman he was deeply in love with. To try and imagine myself without the people I love  in my life breaks my heart.

            Instead, I will say this: tomorrow isn’t promised, so make the most of today. Tell the ones you love that you love them. Call your mother. Hug your spouse. Play with your kids. Order dessert. Do all the wonderful things you want to do. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Please.

 

Kathy

My Connections to play

 

 

This topic today is childhood connections to play. One of the directions was to include pictures of items that I considered essential to play when I was a child. Here they are:

That's it. Just my brothers and sisters. As a child, I suffered from asthma, and as a result, I frequently missed school and had a hard time making friends. I was rarely allowed to play at other children's houses, because of possible threats to my health: dogs, cats, indoor plants, smoking, etc. So most of my playing was done at home with my siblings.

We would devise elaborate stories and take over the entire lower level of the house. We used the furniture, blankets, cushions, and whatever else we could find to create castles, islands, or forts. Our mother (usually) allowed us to keep everything in place so we could pick up where we left off from day to day.

On days when breathing was good and threats were low, we would leave the house early in the morning, lunches packed, and we would take off to explore the neighborhood. Sometimes other children would join us, other times not, but the door was always open to whoever happened to come back with us.

Today play is much different than it was in my childhood. To begin with, the world is a much more dangerous place. Children cannot just "go out and explore" unsupervised. Stranger Danger is sadly part of our new reality. In the past, neighbors knew one another and looked out for each other, but today that is rarely the case.

In addition, most mothers work today, and therefore children do not spend their free time at home. They are frequently enrolled in day care, or spend their time with a grandparent or babysitter. Because of this, play is quite limited. Even in the best of centers, play time is at least partially structured, limited by space. low staffing, or schedules.

In school, play has become practically extinct. Schools have drastically cut, or even eliminated gym classes and recess periods. Budget cuts and increased pressure to have students perform well on standardized testing has lead schools to cut back on play so children can spend more time studying and preparing, even though research has proven time and time again that children NEED to play in order to learn. Hopefully, the politicians cutting the budgets and insisting upon testing will soon get the message that what they are asking for will give them the direct opposite results as what they want. Without play, children CANNOT learn!

Even as adults, we need to play, although we rarely make time for it. Work, families, school, household responsibilities all make finding time to just play seem irresponsible and foolish. Lack of playtime in adults has led to increased stress, illness, and being overweight. Imagine how much better life would be if we could spend out free time doing something fun instead of cleaning, doing laundry, mowing the lawn, or doing homework. I, myself, have found that returning to school, while still trying to work full time and run the house has led to poorer health, increased irritability, and increased illness. Even now, on a beautiful July Saturday, I am not outside having fun. I am writing a blog as part of an assignment while the washer, dryer, and dishwasher all run. When I finish, I will run to the grocery store, prepare dinner, clean the bathrooms and throw a couple more loads of laundry in, just so I can clear my Sunday so I can do more homework!



Relationship Reflection

I have quite a few relationships I value in my life. Some are family members, some are friends, some are people I work with, and some are people I never actually met in person, but instead through electronic means. These people can brighten up my day by sending me a picture or note just to let me know they are thinking of me. They provide support when I am down and share in my joys. They listen when I brag about my kids, and give advice when I don't know which way to turn.

This group is my immediate family. In it are my parents, my husband, my children, my siblings and their spouses and children. We are unusually lucky because we all get along and like to spend time together (sadly, this is frequently NOT the case in families). We help each other out, not because we are looking for something in return, but simply because it's what we do. Yesterday, I took the day off of work to go with my parents to a doctor appt. simply because I felt it was important that my Mom didn't have to wait in the waiting room alone while my Dad had a minor procedure done. My husband came to my school today to fix some of the damage we sustained during the recent storms--not because he was getting paid to do so (because he wasn't!), but merely because he knows how important my work and my students are to me. My sister often quips "Everyone should have an Aunt Kathy!" because I spend a great deal of time with her and her two small children. My daughter recently attended a rock concert with her father and I because it reminded her of the first concert we ever took her to (the band was Boston--first time she was 7, this time she is almost 27--they have special meaning because she was named for one of their songs). We celebrate birthdays and holidays together, and attend each other's special events, such as graduations, dance recitals, plays, school concerts, award ceremonies, and sporting events. At the opening night at my son's senior play, my family took up the entire front row (22 seats!) When my twins graduated from college, 3 car loads of family members drove across the state to attend the ceremonies. Next month, we will gather together to celebrate my mother's retirement (it's a secret, so shhhhhhh!!!)

Maintaining positive relations within this groups is not always easy, but it is always worth it! There are times when we disagree with each other, or we disapprove of another's actions. Over the years we have worked hard to work through our problems and find solutions. Sometimes, this simply means backing off, and other times, it means calling in a neutral party to help lead the way. The one thing we don't do is walk away. We understand that would hurt everyone, dividing the family and forcing people to choose sides.

I have relationships outside my family that I value just as strongly.

This silly guy has been one of my best friends since junior high. (Yes, guys and girls can be friends). We have supported each other through some of the hardest times of our lives, and rejoiced at some of the greatest. He slept on our couch when he had no where else to go, and I cried on his shoulder when it seemed as if my entire life had fallen apart. My husband and I helped him build his business (I actually built the fireplace in the background) and he helped us build a huge stone patio where we could hold parties at my house.

This young lady is my co-teacher. She and I work well together. We are usually on the same page, and quite frequently finish each other's thoughts. We talk about our private lives and well as our professional ones. We help each other through personal problems and professional dilemmas. She is only 4 days older than my daughter, but we have become good friends as well as co-workers.

This young man was in my class when he was 3 years old. This picture was taken the night he graduated from high school. We happen to run into each other at the restaurant where his family was celebrating and he asked to get a picture together. His mom sent it to me the next day and said "Matty was so thrilled you were there last night! He couldn't believe he got to see his favorite teacher on the biggest night of his life! He wants to know if you will come back here for his 21st birthday!"

I have so many relationships--with my family, my friends, my students and their families--some that last a short time, and others that have lasted for years and years. I value each and every one of them. They have all contributed to the person I am today--through their support, love, and encouragement, as well as the hardships and sorrows we have shared. I am better able to understand and relate to each new student and their family because of the experiences I have shared with the people in my life.

Thank you

Just a note of thanks to everyone who helped me complete this course, through your support, your interactions, and your feedback. Together, we can inspire each other to greatness! A special thanks to Nikki Thomas for being a shoulder to cry on and sounding board to bounce ideas off of, and Lawana Edwards for showing me we can do this, no matter what!

Kathy

Standardized education

A few weeks ago, my sister told me about an episode in her household the night before. It seems as though my 8 yr. niece, who participates in the “gifted” program in her school, had a complete and utter meltdown while studying for the upcoming standardized tests. There was a math problem, fully 2 grade levels above her 3^rd grade that had her stumped. She struggled with it for 2 hours before finally breaking down. My sister looked on helplessly as her daughter sobbed over her inability to solve one problem. She was finally able to get her daughter to explain why she was so upset. Her daughter replied “Because I need to know it for THE TEST! If I don’t pass THE TEST I will never get into a good college!!!!! I remind you, she’s in 3^rd grade!

This is what we have done to our students. We have placed so much pressure on them to pass “the test” that they suffer from extreme anxiety. Experts, backed by research, tell us that children need to learn by PLAYING, by DOING, by EXPERIENCING, and that using standardized testing is counterproductive, but instead of phasing it out, we are adding even MORE tests! At a time when quality education is desperately in short supply, talented and experienced teachers are leaving the field in record numbers, leaving educating to the inexperienced and the substandard.

Other countries, such as New Zealand, have realized that using uniform standards of achievement for children is a mistake. Their curriculum emphasizes each student’s unique needs, and encourages them to become lifelong learners.

I have heard the best description of our educational system come from comedienne Wanda Sykes. She correctly stated that students cram information into their brains long enough to pass the test, and then, just like shaking an Etch-A-Sketch, the information is just gone. There is no comprehension, no understanding, just facts to be regurgitated on a test paper, and forgotten immediately afterwards. If this weren’t true, shows like “Are You Smarter Than A 5^th Grader?” would not succeed, because all of the contestants would indeed be smarter than a 5^th grader.

Asthma and childhood

                In 1974, at the age of 6, I was diagnosed with severe asthma. The initial result was that I spent a good portion of first grade at home rather than in school. I had a friend who lived down the street who would get off the bus, come to my house, and pick up my completed work and drop off new assignments. At that time, the convenient portable inhalers and nebulizers were not available. Each asthma attack meant a rushed trip to the emergency room to spend time in an oxygen tent. The doctors were also unclear about what was triggering my attacks, so a great deal of time that year was spent eliminating certain foods from my diets, testing my reactions to things like extreme hot and cold, pets, and plants.  It was finally determined that my particular triggers were pet hair, pollen, bee stings, and extremely cold air. For years, my mother did everything she could to keep me inside and “safe” where she could watch me. This meant I wasn’t allowed to play any sports, go out in the snow, have a pet, or basically have a normal childhood. I was rarely allowed to visit the homes of classmates, because they might have a pet or something else that would make ne wheeze. I even spent recesses inside most of the time because of the fear of something triggering an attack. These severe restrictions made developing friendships difficult. I stopped getting invited places because I was so rarely allowed to go. My playmates were my siblings and the few kids who stuck by me.

                As I got older, the attacks became less frequent and less severe. This, combined with the availability of portable medications that I could administer myself meant that many of the restrictions on my life were lifted. By the time I reached junior high, I was allowed to join a swim team and enjoy outdoor activities. I tried out for softball, basketball, and cheerleading, but I never made the cut because I lacked the skills that I should have developed when I was younger. Since I lacked the skills for sports, I decided to pursue other activities. I joined the school chorus and youth folk group in my church. I began teaching the music program in my church’s religious education program as well. I joined the yearbook staff, and became the editor by my senior year.

                Yes, my condition played havoc with my development of gross motor and social skills, but I learned to adapt. In time, I caught up to my peers socially, although I tend to be clumsy and not coordinated enough for sporting games.

                Asthma continued to be a serious medical threat for children around the world. In fact, the threat seems to be getting worse in some areas, while others have taken steps to try and reduce the risk by working to reduce air pollution—a big factor in asthma.  In addition, the science community is realizing that they don’t understand how asthma works as well as they thought they did. They are realizing that standard practices intended to increase health worldwide may in fact be making the problem worse instead of better.

Health and Early Childhood Education

In today's society, families are faced with a host of health issues. Rising poverty rates have lead to increased numbers of children suffering from malnutrition. The AIDS epidemic has shown no sign of being eradicated. An unacceptable number of children die each year of SIDS (although, science has made progress in reducing this number). Families, afraid of vaccinating their children, leave their children exposed to a great number of diseases once thought to be extinct. Overuse of antibiotics has left thousands immune to them, allowing illness to go untreatable.

One issue which has had a great impact on my classroom this year is mental health issues, both in children, and how parents who are mentally ill affect their children. According to the website www.zerotothree.org, infant mental health is defined as "the healthy social and emotional development of a child from birth to 3 years". Unfortunately, many children are born into families which make this type of healthy development difficult, if not impossible.

I will give the example of a set of twins who joined my classroom in mid-March. They were referred by a child service agency, having been dismissed from their prior center. It soon became apparent why they had been removed. Their mother has a chemical imbalance, and their father is an alcoholic who, at the time, was incarcerated for the 4th time. Their mother is argumentative, refusing to follow center policies and verbally attacks the staff pretty much every time she enters the center. Since it is part of my job to see that policies are followed, she has taken a special dislike of me! She has little interest in her twins, nor their older sister. The family has been associated with the agency which brought them to us for the last two years, since the twins (aged 2) were found wandering around the neighborhood alone. At a meeting this week with their caseworker, I was informed that this is the longest the boys have lasted at ANY center (keep in mind they have been with me for only 2 months)!

Due to the mother's mental health issues (which she refuses to accept treatment for), the father's alcoholism and frequent incarceration, the level of poverty at which they live, and the basic neglect they are exposed to, the boys are suffering on many levels. Academically, they are behind. They cannot correctly identify any letters or number , cannot correctly hold a pencil, use scissors, or follow even the simplest of directions. Socially, they are also behind. They cannot interact with their peers or teachers appropriately, and they continually fight with each other, both by yelling at each other and by striking each other. They have shown up at school on one more than one occasion with cuts or bruises they said were caused by each other. We had to dismiss the TS worker assigned to them, as it quickly became apparent that one of the reasons they were fighting was to gain his attention. Unfortunately, they will celebrate their 5th birthday this summer, at which point state funding will no longer be available for them to continue to attend my class, and instead they will be placed into a kindergarten classroom they are not developmentally ready for. I have only 2 more months to work with them, and still meet the needs of the rest of my students. We have made progress, but we still have so much more to accomplish before they are ready to be immersed in a classroom of their peers and hold their own. These boys are lucky in that the school district they are entering is a good one, and they have a good chance of continuing to have teachers who can address their many needs.

According to the Convention on the Rights of Children, all children with disabilities have the same rights as all other children. Among those are the right to a developmentally appropriate education. According to my research, the view across the US as well as worldwide is pretty universal: early intervention is essential, and must be accessible and affordable, meaning that most services must be provided at little or no cost. But what do we do when the family refuses to follow the recommendations provided? Or when the children no longer qualify for services because they are too old? Or when the children aren't the only ones in need of services, but the parent(s) are as well? Or when the parents ARE the issue? Unfortunately, I do not have all the answers. I can only hope and pray that in time, someone will.